1. You plan your outfits for the week ahead and hang them in the wardrobe in that order.
2. You remove your nail polish before you get to the hiding-your-hand-in-your-sleeve stage. And repaint them the same day, in a colour that complements all the outfits you have planned for that week.
3. You use face masks as a regular part of your skincare routine and not just the night before a big date, leaving you with a face full of spots.
4. You get up early enough in the morning to eat breakfast AND not have to apply your makeup on the bus.
5. You wear matching underwear, and not just when you know you’re going to have sex. This is in no small part due to you having a tidy underwear drawer. With compartments. Probably from Ikea.
6. You clean your makeup brushes and throw out makeup that has gone past the use-by guidelines.
7. You have an address book, with actual addresses written in it. So when you need to find a friend’s address, you don’t need to scroll back through hundreds of Whatsapp messages to find when they sent it to you for the hundredth time.
8. You remember birthdays without relying on Facebook. You also buy and send birthday cards which arrive on time.
9. You change your bedding weekly at an absolute minimum, and actually iron your sheets.
10. You know when your period is going to arrive and have a ready supply of sanitary products. You keep a stash of these in your handbag and as such avoid any loo-roll-in-your-knickers dashes to Boots.
11. You have fresh flowers in your house, and not just because that guy you went on a date with bought you some. You remember to water them and you throw them out when they die, rather than leaving them for weeks and hoping somebody else will do it.
12. You throw out all your laddered tights, so never get to work to find a massive hole at the back of your thigh.
13. You carry stamps. First AND second class.
14. You regularly get 8 hours sleep and on the rare occasion that you don’t, still manage to leave the house without looking like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.
15. You buy new makeup before it runs out, thus avoiding having to use that foundation you keep at the back of a drawer that’s a shade too dark and leaves you wishing you owned a polo neck jumper so you could disguise it.
16. You own a plunger.